pkill -9 old_me

In Feb, I crashed my bike. ACL gone. PCL gone. Meniscus torn. A full reconstruction needed. I've already written about the accident itself here.

This part is about what happened after.

Pain as a Teacher

Rehab broke me in ways I didn't expect. The pain was insane - there were nights I cried, mornings I cursed. But here's the thing: no matter how much I cried, I still had to do the damn work. If I didn't, my knees wouldn't heal.

So I shut up and did it. Over and over. Something shifted. I realized life is like this too - it doesn't care how much I complain. If I'm not ready to take the hit and grind, life throw more at me, and I'll be under prepared.

That thought rewired me.

The Rebuild

Somewhere in the middle of rehab. I started working out too. It's been about 2.5 months now. The rush is insane - cardio endurance going up, dopamine hitting hard, finally looking myself in the mirror and liking who I see. Waking up at 5-5:30am, consistently.

For the first time, I feel like I'm building a body and mind that can take more. Endure more. Do more.

The Quit

I'd been in my first job for almost 4 years. I had thought about moving on, but never seriously.

Then this injury happened. Rehab cracked something open. I realized the way I was living and working before... I didn't want that anymore. I didn't want to coast or waste time or settle.

So I quit. No backup plan. No next job lined up. Just space.

Not to run away, but to kill this version of myself.

What I mean by "Best"

I keep saying I want to be the best. Not compared to others. Just the best version of me. More aware. More capable. Doing things with ease because I've put in the work behind the scenes.

That's the version I want to become.

What's Next?

Honestly, I don't know. And that's the point.

I want to explore. Dive deep into AI - reasoning, post-training, agents. Finally take bass lessons. Travel, hike, ride again. Those solo bike trips, as reckless as they were, made me feel the most alive.

This could turn into something great, or it could flop, and maybe I'll just end up in another job. But either way, this step - quitting, exploring, rebuilding - is me killing the old version.

This is the start of whatever comes next.